People in love make me want to vomit
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
