it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
