I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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