I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
