I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Randomize
