Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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