My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
