needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
