Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
