You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
