how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
