you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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