First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
