Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
