I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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