I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
