it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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