Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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