dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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