hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have post one night stand depression
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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