I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
