Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
