I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
how drunk are you?
Several
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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