Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
