her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
