great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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