dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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