he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize