Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
