I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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