This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
