YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
