Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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