non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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