mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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