Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
