I'm so fucking centered right now
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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