my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
