Moan for me like Helen Keller
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
