I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
