Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
