I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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