i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
