i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
