then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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