when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
