I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
