Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
