i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
