my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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