I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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