May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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