The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
