I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
