There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize