somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
