If that was your dad, he is hot
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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