So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
