Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
