He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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