I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
