halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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