I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm just crazy horny about you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
