She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
