$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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