They should really pass out barf bags in church
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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