You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
