why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
