when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We were destined to go to rehab together
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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