You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
