Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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