we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
