cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have post one night stand depression
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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