i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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